I wish you could kiss me goodnight...

...and good morning, good afternoon, & just because.

Happy 5 Year Anniversary, Sir. Here's to hoping to grow fat and old with you.

Maybe tomorrow...

Your strong arms, steady breathing, your scent, your warmth. I miss waking up next to you. I miss being dressed up for no reason and going out on dates with you. I miss cuddling on the couch, watching movies with you. I miss taking drives with you in your car. I miss holding your hand. I miss your smile. I miss everything about you. There's a million other reasons, and I'm sure you have a pretty good (portable moleskin) idea of how much.

I know that I'm supposed to post kinky things, and things that turn me and Sir on. But today, I'm just feeling a little depressed about it, and not in a very kinky mood. I'm sure tomorrow, I'll be ok and remember that this is just temporary; and that mine and Sir's relationship is definitely something worth waiting for/hanging on to. I am Sir's pet, but I'm also a woman and sometimes I tend to get a little mushy. And I hope that's ok too because when you love someone, I should be able to be as weird/embarrassing as I want and he still has to love me. Today, I just want to post about this. There's always tomorrow...

HNT: I’m glad the world doesn’t know me as well as you do.

To my sir: When I was 18, I told you that you were "loving a pretty messed up chick," I never imagined that you'd still love me just as much 4 years later, and that I'd be only be slightly messed up.

I can't sleep...So I'm posting up my HNT early. I wish that sir was around to blow out his candle. :[ This is one of the wax play photos that I sent to Sir for his birthday except I give it a redish filter to keep with the theme of Valentine's Day, which is coming up. Come to think of it, I don't think I own red underwear or very much red wardrobe in general...perhaps I should fix that. There's been this beautiful red corset that I've been eyeing...Now there's a thought.

Happy HNT everyone, and an early Happy Valentine's Day to all. Don't take love for granted!

Perfect Situation

Looking back, I like the way that sir and I have grown together. When we first met, this wasn't supposed to be a serious relationship. But eventually 1 month turned into 3 months, 3 months into 3 years... Some things changed and some things didn't. I'm glad it didn't stay the same or else I'd feel like we weren't really 'getting to know each other' so to speak. I went out with a friend yesterday and she told me that she didn't date men whom she doesn't feel nervous around, especially if she was too comfortable around them. I asked her "Does that hold true if you've been in a relationship with him for awhile?" She couldn't really answer me because her definition of "awhile" was different from mine. Instead, she asked me what I thought. I told her that my sir still makes me nervous. Which I like. I feel like I'm falling in love with him for the first time everytime I look into his eyes. I'm timid and shy to begin with but doubly so when I first met sir. Even until now, when he smiles and winks at me from across the room I can't help but feel weak in the knees and as if I'm the luckiest girl in the world. At the same time, I'm glad that I can be honest and open with sir like I am with my friends. It's nice getting to know more and more about someone and he/she doesn't go running for the hills. How else would he have found out that I like sucking his cock while he drove me home? You can't really just admit that to anyone. "Hi, my name is(insert name here) and I am somewhat of an exhibitionist who enjoys getting flogged in bed." Ummm i don't think that usually goes well on a first date...

I'm rambling. On another note, 5 days has passed and sir promised that he would consider letting me come tomorrow. At this point, that's IF I am what sir would deem as a good pet. Normally I don't keep track of the days but since sir's assignments have been leaving me on the edge of orgasm these days, it's very hard NOT to count. Whenever sir and I talk on Skype, I am either wearing the ring that he gave me or the leather collar with a metal ring attached to it. *Due to my choice of profession, I have 2 types of collars, obviously one less conspicuous.* Sir likes it when I wear my leather collar and nipple clamps so that he can pull the chain while I masterbate in front of him. That way he can control how fast or slow, what's allowed in or out. After all, he does own every inch of me. Sir also insists that I look him in the eyes when I do this because he knows that it humiliates me to admit that I am a dirty little slut and I do enjoy him watching me. I fantasize that when he comes back, he'll attach weights on the nipple clamps, fill both of my holes; a vibrator in my cunt and a vibrating butt plug as I'm blind folded. That way, I"ll have to crawl on my hands and knees to find him. A spanking before he fucks my brains out wouldn't be such a bad thing either. Just sayin'...

I wished that he was here so that my fantasies weren't just fantasies. God, I've never been so anxious for May. But I understand that things come at their own pace and our situation makes me appreciate him that much more. His drive and ambition at medschool along with his faithfulness to me always leaves me in a state of creamy panties and a wet pussy. He is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last before I go to bed. Although both of our schedules are fairly busy, we both make time for each other. Even without my daily naughty assignments from sir, he is never far from my mind and apparently I'm not that far from his. He told me that someone happened to notice that his eyes lit up whenever sir talked about me. Little 'ol me. Who'da thought? Right now, we're not in the most perfect situation, what with being so far away from each other, but I couldn't imagine making an effort at being in a relationship with anyone but sir. I wouldn't want to if it wasn't him. I'm hell bent on making this work. I hope he doesn't get bored of me because some times I tend to snore like a beast when I'm drunk and he knows that some times I prefer chocolate over him.

In a perfect situation, sir would be home. For good. Fast forward. In a perfect situation, 4 yrs. from now and sir will make good on that promise that he made last night. As I said... in a perfect situation.

Don’t be scared ‘cause you’re not something I’m willing to lose.

While sir is away, he left me with orders that I must fullfill, which was to edge at least 4 times a day without coming until the day that I speak to him again. Right now, sir is at the airport and he was thoughtful enough to call me to say that he was thinking of me and to say "I love you." His thoughtfulness is so sexy. It just finally hits me that my darling sir is gone and I'm a mess....Right now, I am griping the ring that he left behind for me as tightly as I can, hoping that he'll somehow feel me giving him the same type of support he is always giving me.

"Even if the whole world is against you, I'm always on your side."

Before I started crying, and since sir is off to school, I decided to post up for him a shot of me dressed as a school girl. Just a small reminder of what he has to look forward to when he gets back. I wish my sexy sir a safe trip and lots of luck while he's down there.

Sweetest Goodbye

Even after watching all of my beloved sir's luggage strewn all across the floor in his house, the idea that he is definitely leaving has still yet to hit me. Maybe I'm in denial because I don't want him to go but at the same time I want him to go because I know how important this is to him.

Yesterday was the last day that I will be seeing sir until he comes back in May. He picked me up and drove me back to his house because he invited me over to have dinner with his family and have drinks with him and his friends afterwards. On the drive there, he said, "Remember, pet. You're not allowed to come no matter what I do to you, understood?" I shook my head and replied "Yes, sir." "Good girl." sir said as he told me to hike up my very tight pencil skirt because he wanted to finger me in the front passenger seat. Needless to say, sir was very happy with what greeted him which was a pair of thigh high fishnet stockings and a silky Victoria's Secret thong. (I always joke with sir that at this point, I'm pretty sure that he's seen most of what's exhibited in the Victoria's Secret catalog because of me by now. Sorry, I have an undeniable weakness for cute underwear) Sir and I have done this before on several occassions but the fact that it was broad daylight both embarrassed and made me wetter at the same time. I'm sure that the people driving on the other side of the road could see my face contorting in pleasure so instead I grit my teeth and faced my side of the window as he touched, twisted and grabbed my pussy from outside of my underwear. He scratched my thigh and then slowly massaged it as he chuckled to himself upon seeing that I was beginning to soak through my thong. It had been 2 days since sir permitted me to come so at this point, my cunt was throbbing. "That was the shortest ride to his house that I had ever experienced." I thought to myself as we pulled up to his house.

For awhile, I've been working on his going away present which consisted of an ink drawing that I did on a sheet of veneer along with a small black moleskine notebook filled with quotes and funny and endearing pictures of things that reminded me of him, what I will miss when he's away, and naughty things I want to do to him when he returns. Sir whispered "Thank you." as he grabbed my hair and gave me the most passionate and heartfelt kiss that went straight to my soul and down to warmth between my thighs. He managed to somehow fog up the aviator glasses that I was wearing! Dinner was pleasant and the last of his major packing got done. But I won't elaborate on that as it is not what the Dear Readers came here for.

After dinner, I think sir really wanted his dessert. And so did I. As the car was warming up, sir didn't waste anytime putting his hands up my skirt. His hands were cold and it was my job to warm them up. All the local spots that we usually went to were crowded with people that were too likely to catch us. I like doing it in public but we knew better. Frustrated, sir told me to hike up my skirt and put my coat on top of my lap. He began to finger me again, but this time putting his fingers inside of my thong. We carried on this way until we finally found a spot. It wasn't secluded enough for full on fucking that we both wanted but it was still public enough to do what we did. Sir and I began to kiss and without warning, threw his head down towards my lap and moved my thong aside as he began to tongue fuck my pussy in the car. My nails dug into the driver's leather headrest as I cried out and begged him for permission to come. Sir gave me permission. The experience was more intense than I could describe. I wanted to thank sir for my orgasm and began to rub his cock inside of his jeans. It secretly made me happy to see how hard he was from licking my pussy. Sir began to unbutton his pants and asked me, "Just how badly do you want my cock?" I replied "Really badly sir. You know what a cock hungry whore I am, sir." Sir had slipped down his pants and his boxers at this point. I looked down at his cock hungrily. "Do you promise to swallow and lick every drop?" he asked. I nodded my head yes. He smiled at me as we kissed and he bit my lip. I bit him back forgetting that I wasn't allowed to do that. He grabbed my hair and slapped my face as he repremanded me, saying, "Bad slut. I didn't give you permission to do that." I said I was sorry as he forced my mouth down onto his cock.

He gripped my head and massaged my hair as I worked my way up and down his cock, sucking and licking it. I like the sounds sir makes when he's turned on. I could feel my cunt getting wet again. Sir knows that I get turned on when I'm giving him a blowjob so he decided to play with my clit and thrust one finger inside of my dripping wet pussy along with another finger dangerously close to my ass hole. He told me to suck his cock and to relax my throat. I did as he asked as he began to thrust faster and deeper into my mouth. At that point, I was choking on his cock but my gag reflex has gotten a lot better since I love deep throating sir's cock. I was pretty sure his entire cock was inside my mouth because I could feel his balls slapping my chin. He came long and hard in my mouth and I swallowed every sweet drop of him. Just like a good pet. He sighed in saisfaction. He looked at me and stroked my hair lovingly. "I love you and damn, that was one of the most incredible blowjobs that you've ever given me." he said. "Thank you, sir." I replied. He smiled at me and said, "If you think I'm done with you, you are mistaken pet. Go inside your purse and put your vibrator egg inside of you." I looked at him incrediously. "Are you serious?" I managed to choke out in disbelief. He gave me the look that he was deadly serious. I didn't dare disobey. I rummaged through my purse and found the vibrator and remote. I handed sir the remote and stuck the egg inside of my cunt. "And the same rules apply, pet. Don't you dare come unless I let you." I replied, "Yes sir." Pleased, he drove to Starbucks to get us both coffee. I told him that I'd rather not greet his friends smelling like his semen and my saliva.

He turned on the vibrator every so often. I winced and tried not to make any sqeaks or sounds that would give me away to the general public. Little did everyone know, I was getting wetter by the second because of this little vibrator and because of the fact that this was happening while sir and I were both out in public. Sir even turned it on when we greeted his friend's parents! Sir is often very very wicked...

After we picked up his friends, we headed to a bar. We were all drinking and having a good time until my phone vibrated. Sir handed it to me nonchalantly. The text was from him. It read, "Panties, now. Excuse yourself to the bathroom." Sheepishly, I waited for a bit. I didn't want to seem obvious. Eventually, I excused myself. I couldn't believe that I was about to hand my soaked thong to sir and go home without any underwear! Thankfully, this was towards the end of the night and we were all saying goodbye and good night to everyone.

Sir brought one of his friend for the ride home. Perhaps he was thinking of me and possibly knew that if he and I were alone, I was going to cry. I almost did anyway when he showed/told me that he was going to start wearing the ring again that I had bought for him on our 2 year anniversary when we exchanged rings. On the other hand, I was still thoroughly turned on so I sent him a text saying that had we gone home alone, I wanted to give him road head on the way home but obviously that wasn't possible. Descretely, I handed him my thong and rested my hand on his lap which occassionally wandered over to his crotch. If sir could be mean, I thought to myself, "So could I."

The ride was short and sir was happy...He got the send off that he wanted. Small, intimate, and surrounded by people who would truly miss him. I kissed him several times and I gave him the biggest and tightest hug that I could. I knew that that was the last time that I would for a bit.

When I entered my house, I had to climb up the stairs to get to my bedroom. My thighs were still wet from the evening and I happened to be wearing a tight pencil skirt that night so that with every shift or movement, the vibrator would rub against my g-spot. I began to remove the vibrator that had been resting inside my very moist pussy the entire night, groaning in pleasure and disappointment. After all the events of the evening, my pussy was overstimulated. I squirted unexpectedly as I pulled the vibrator out of overly wet cunt. Not only were my juices all over the vibrator but all over my bedroom floor and I could also feel it dripping down my thighs and onto my fishnet thigh highs. I cleaned myself up and decided to confess to sir that I had come without his permission. After all, since sir was kind enough to let me come, I have to wait 5 days before I am allowed to come again. (It was originially 4 days but I can't seem to keep my hands to myself. ;] ) I awaited my punishment.

...There was none. Sir seemed pleased and commended how hot that was. I shook my head and smiled at his text. Even though I'm used to his antics and absurdly perverted remarks, he still somehow manages to shock me. I shake my head and smile as I climb into bed and dream of the day that he'll be at my doorstep again, smiling with a boquet of roses in one hand and a wad of rope in the other.

Can you gag me with my soaking wet panties, too?

Since sir is about to be off to med school soon, I just thought how hot *and fitting it would be if I dressed up as a naughty catholic school girl for him and he tied me up with one of my legs in the air, similar to that in the picture, except I hope that he gags me with my soaking wet panties first. Just to remind me what a slut I really. I can just imagine him putting the anal plug and the vibrator inside of me, filling both holes....mmmm. It'd be pretty hard to balance myself I'd think, but it would be fun nonetheless.

On a side note, my sir has started to give me naughty assignments on a daily basis to fulfill. Today, I am to discuss my favorite things in the bedroom. BDSM related or romantic. There's so many to choose from but I'd have to say that I really enjoy it when he blind folds me. I like seeing sir naked, his cock rock hard but when I'm blindfolded, I can't anticipate what he's about to do to me and it makes me even wetter. When it does happen, the feeling is that much more intense because I'm forced to focus on the pleasure and pain that's being inflicted upon me.

I also like being left in the closet, blind folded, hands and legs tied together, with a vibrator stuck inside of me. The anticipation is maddening and the vibrator feels so good with every small move that I make. Usually afterwards, he pulls me out of the closet, takes my blind fold off and fucks me mercilessly in front of a mirror, forcing me to watch my facial expressions as he rams his cock inside of my dripping wet pussy, or ass hole *which we've just started exploring recently. I guess to sum it all up, it's the anticipation build up that really gets me going. All of that pent up sexual frustration just waiting to be released. Which I am only allowed to release when given permission to do so by my sir.

On another note, most people say that once you having kinky sex, you'll never go back to vanilla sex. I didn't realize it until after the assignment that sir gave me but I'd have to say that I do enjoy/miss having vanilla sex once in awhile. Talking while being in the bathtub together, getting/giving back rubs with oil... I'm not saying that my sir is not romantic. He shows it in many many ways and I am lucky and greatful to be with him. It's partially my fault for not hinting it. I didn't think that my girly side would emerge out of nowhere either. It's not that I'm saying that I don't feel special. Far from it. There's no other way for me to feel when I'm with him. When we go out to dinner, he pays for everything. He pulls out chairs for me. He opens doors. He is a very very generous sir. And yet when we're in the bedroom, it has been a while since he and I have had slow and quiet sex. Whenever we're together we bite, tease, spank, lick, suck, etc. each other but I don't think that I can ever remember coming into the bedroom with candles and rose petals, like you'd see in a cheesy romance flick.

This concept came up when we started discussing the psychological side of BDSM. I trust my sir completely and feel like I can tell him anything. My fears, my worries, my likes, dislikes, strange tendencies, etc. and vice versa. If you can't be whole heartedly honest, what's the point?

No matter what turns you on, in my humble opinion, I feel like the whole point is not to simply do as your Dom tells you to in order for you (the sub) to get your reward. Trust and Understanding your partner's (Both Sub and Dom.) needs and desires is really what matters. Call me crazy. I guess I just love my sir that much. With or without my collar on.