I wish you could kiss me goodnight...

...and good morning, good afternoon, & just because.

Happy 5 Year Anniversary, Sir. Here's to hoping to grow fat and old with you.

Happy Birthday, Sir!!!!!

Today is Sir's birthday but since he's not here, I figured that I would update with a photo of wax play and blog about my last time with sir.

"Wear something sexy and have your toys with you, pet." That was the e-mail from sir. I wasn't sure what I'd be expecting this time. Sir has asked me on several occasions to masterbate in front of him but never with my toys. I was anxious, nervous, and excited to see what sir would ask of me. Obediently, I got dressed into my black corset, thong, fishnet stockings, and collar and waited for his call. He inspected me from every angle as he had done last time. When he was satisfied, he asked me what toys I had with me. I told him my butt plug, clothes pins, my vibrator, and since my rope or my cuffs hadn't come in yet, I had a few ties lying around.

"I want you to play with yourself with one hand and to put your butt plug in with the other." he instructed. I hesitated for a moment because it has just been recently that sir and I have tried anal ANYTHING and here he was asking me to insert my plug myself. Not really wanting to disobey sir, I did as I was told. "Good girl." sir said. "Now, I want you to put the pins on your nipples and to blindfold yourself." Now I really had to protest. As I clipped one pin on a nipple, I begged sir to remove it. I think the pin hurt more than it actually did because this was the first time that I was doing this to myself. I was scared and nervous that I was doing it wrong because usually, toys like this are used when sir is around. Now, as well as for awhile, I am going to have to get used to pinning, pinching, etc. without sir. Sir said in reply, "Pet, if you don't do as I say, I will find other places for you to pin those." Needless to say, the pins stayed. Blindfolded and pinned, I leaned back. I spread my legs widely for him and began to tease my already dripping pussy with my vibrator on low.

I heard sir chuckle to himself upon seeing how much I was enjoying myself. Perhaps I was enjoying myself too much for sir's liking because he asked me, "How would you feel if I told you that I wasn't going to allow you to come tonight, pet?" I froze. I do enjoy it when sir is cruel to me but I sincerely hoped that this time he wasn't being serious. I had done my assignments as sir instructed and it had been about 5 days since I was allowed to come. I shoke my head and begged him to allow me to come that night. Sir said, "Alright pet, you may. So long as you tell me what you're thinking about while you're touching yourself and to ask me for permission just as you are about to come."

"Yes sir." I replied as I told him that while still blindfolded, I imagined sir biting my lip as he pulled my hair roughly. Clamps on my nipples with weights attached to them. Hands tied behind my back as sir rams his cock deeper and deeper into my dripping wet cunt until I cried out in pain and pleasure. God, I was so horny and desperate to come because on top of not being able to come for awhile, sir instructed that I turn my vibrator on to high as I told him what I was fantasizing about. Whenever I beg sir for my orgasm, I feel like a wanton, dirty little slut. I can't even pretend to be an expert at looking sexy because at that point, I didn't care what I looked like. I would do just anything for sir to allow me my orgasm. Gasping and panting was all that I could muster. I begged and begged him again and again, until finally, he let me come. I have to admit that that was one of the most intense orgasms that I've inflicted upon myself with sir. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be blindfolded while coming.

Playing with sir on the cam is fun. :] On a side note, my rope and cuffs should be arriving soon! *Sir has most of the bondage stuff with him, but you can never have too much rope, and it doesn't hurt to own more than one pair of cuffs, anyways* And I'm happy to say that our long distance d/s relationship is going well. I can't believe that it's been 4 yrs. that we've been together and this is the first birthday that he and I are not celebrating in a naked, drunken, taggled mess together. :[ Ah, well.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful and sexy sir! I love you! <3

Perfect Situation

Looking back, I like the way that sir and I have grown together. When we first met, this wasn't supposed to be a serious relationship. But eventually 1 month turned into 3 months, 3 months into 3 years... Some things changed and some things didn't. I'm glad it didn't stay the same or else I'd feel like we weren't really 'getting to know each other' so to speak. I went out with a friend yesterday and she told me that she didn't date men whom she doesn't feel nervous around, especially if she was too comfortable around them. I asked her "Does that hold true if you've been in a relationship with him for awhile?" She couldn't really answer me because her definition of "awhile" was different from mine. Instead, she asked me what I thought. I told her that my sir still makes me nervous. Which I like. I feel like I'm falling in love with him for the first time everytime I look into his eyes. I'm timid and shy to begin with but doubly so when I first met sir. Even until now, when he smiles and winks at me from across the room I can't help but feel weak in the knees and as if I'm the luckiest girl in the world. At the same time, I'm glad that I can be honest and open with sir like I am with my friends. It's nice getting to know more and more about someone and he/she doesn't go running for the hills. How else would he have found out that I like sucking his cock while he drove me home? You can't really just admit that to anyone. "Hi, my name is(insert name here) and I am somewhat of an exhibitionist who enjoys getting flogged in bed." Ummm i don't think that usually goes well on a first date...

I'm rambling. On another note, 5 days has passed and sir promised that he would consider letting me come tomorrow. At this point, that's IF I am what sir would deem as a good pet. Normally I don't keep track of the days but since sir's assignments have been leaving me on the edge of orgasm these days, it's very hard NOT to count. Whenever sir and I talk on Skype, I am either wearing the ring that he gave me or the leather collar with a metal ring attached to it. *Due to my choice of profession, I have 2 types of collars, obviously one less conspicuous.* Sir likes it when I wear my leather collar and nipple clamps so that he can pull the chain while I masterbate in front of him. That way he can control how fast or slow, what's allowed in or out. After all, he does own every inch of me. Sir also insists that I look him in the eyes when I do this because he knows that it humiliates me to admit that I am a dirty little slut and I do enjoy him watching me. I fantasize that when he comes back, he'll attach weights on the nipple clamps, fill both of my holes; a vibrator in my cunt and a vibrating butt plug as I'm blind folded. That way, I"ll have to crawl on my hands and knees to find him. A spanking before he fucks my brains out wouldn't be such a bad thing either. Just sayin'...

I wished that he was here so that my fantasies weren't just fantasies. God, I've never been so anxious for May. But I understand that things come at their own pace and our situation makes me appreciate him that much more. His drive and ambition at medschool along with his faithfulness to me always leaves me in a state of creamy panties and a wet pussy. He is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last before I go to bed. Although both of our schedules are fairly busy, we both make time for each other. Even without my daily naughty assignments from sir, he is never far from my mind and apparently I'm not that far from his. He told me that someone happened to notice that his eyes lit up whenever sir talked about me. Little 'ol me. Who'da thought? Right now, we're not in the most perfect situation, what with being so far away from each other, but I couldn't imagine making an effort at being in a relationship with anyone but sir. I wouldn't want to if it wasn't him. I'm hell bent on making this work. I hope he doesn't get bored of me because some times I tend to snore like a beast when I'm drunk and he knows that some times I prefer chocolate over him.

In a perfect situation, sir would be home. For good. Fast forward. In a perfect situation, 4 yrs. from now and sir will make good on that promise that he made last night. As I said... in a perfect situation.

When I touch myself, I am conjuring you.

Tonight, my sir wanted to me to talk about how I felt about the assignments that he has been giving me on a daily basis since entering a long distance relationship with sir.

So far, I am really enjoying this sexual build up that I am only allowed to come when given permission to. Yesterday, I touched myself while I was driving in the car. Who knew running errands and doing mundane things could suddenly become so interesting? I've also taken a good liking to my remote control vibrator egg. That way, all I have to do is stick it in and flick the switch to my heart's content and it removes the akwardness of getting caught with putting my hand down my pants as often as sir requests of me to do on a daily basis. When sir and I first bought it together, I was averse to the idea because I know how mean sir can be sometimes. He especially likes for me to wear it whenever we're around others or go out to public places. *Hence my mean comment.* But as it turns out, I really enjoy it so I guess that I just contridicted my statement.

In all seriousness, that's the thing with my sir. He is always very considerate of me and what makes me happy. We are also having a lot of webcam sex and I am starting to read up on self bondage so that he and I can still enjoy each other sexually even when he isn't physically with me.

I've always been self conscious *both physically as well as internally* but he always reassures me that I am a good and beautiful person. I feel safe knowing that he's always wondering what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. Our relationship has always been open and up front but I feel like we have been more upfront with our feelings and emotions since entering this type of relationship with sir. The sexual stuff is nice but the underlying point of it all is what I really enjoy. *Oops. there's my girly side showing again...

It makes me happy that he's protective of me. It makes me feel sexy as well as safe and protected that I am his and he is mine. At first, I thought that when he left it would be "So long, see you later. Let's see what happens when I get back." Or that even though I know med school is a serious thing and I know that sir is not the cheating/lying type, perhaps he would meet someone there who was more compatible with him on a sexual as well as an intellectual level pertaining to medicine. I'm very well versed when it comes to arts, design, basic engineeer, and aesthetic but I don't know a thing the medical field. I'm really glad that he is willing to make the effort to show me that he is trying his hardest to show that he can be with me emotionally and sexually even if he can't be with me physically for the time being. There is a large amount of trust that goes into this and he and I really want to make this work.

On the flip side, it makes me sad that just as that we're getting to know each other better, he's leaving. I know it's just for a little while but I miss my sir immensely already. Upon meeting, it didn't take long for us to become sexually intimate but I feel like even though we've been together for 3 yrs. everything still feels new and exciting with sir. Sex and everything else in between with sir has been wonderful. In the eyes of others, 3 years is a long time being with someone whom you're not married to especially at our age where I feel like people today become so easily bored with each other. To me, I can't think of any thing but good things to describe our relationship. Sure there have been arguments but nothing that he and I weren't willing to work out together.

...Besides, make up sex is always hot. I dare anyone to disagree with me.

Can you gag me with my soaking wet panties, too?

Since sir is about to be off to med school soon, I just thought how hot *and fitting it would be if I dressed up as a naughty catholic school girl for him and he tied me up with one of my legs in the air, similar to that in the picture, except I hope that he gags me with my soaking wet panties first. Just to remind me what a slut I really. I can just imagine him putting the anal plug and the vibrator inside of me, filling both holes....mmmm. It'd be pretty hard to balance myself I'd think, but it would be fun nonetheless.

On a side note, my sir has started to give me naughty assignments on a daily basis to fulfill. Today, I am to discuss my favorite things in the bedroom. BDSM related or romantic. There's so many to choose from but I'd have to say that I really enjoy it when he blind folds me. I like seeing sir naked, his cock rock hard but when I'm blindfolded, I can't anticipate what he's about to do to me and it makes me even wetter. When it does happen, the feeling is that much more intense because I'm forced to focus on the pleasure and pain that's being inflicted upon me.

I also like being left in the closet, blind folded, hands and legs tied together, with a vibrator stuck inside of me. The anticipation is maddening and the vibrator feels so good with every small move that I make. Usually afterwards, he pulls me out of the closet, takes my blind fold off and fucks me mercilessly in front of a mirror, forcing me to watch my facial expressions as he rams his cock inside of my dripping wet pussy, or ass hole *which we've just started exploring recently. I guess to sum it all up, it's the anticipation build up that really gets me going. All of that pent up sexual frustration just waiting to be released. Which I am only allowed to release when given permission to do so by my sir.

On another note, most people say that once you having kinky sex, you'll never go back to vanilla sex. I didn't realize it until after the assignment that sir gave me but I'd have to say that I do enjoy/miss having vanilla sex once in awhile. Talking while being in the bathtub together, getting/giving back rubs with oil... I'm not saying that my sir is not romantic. He shows it in many many ways and I am lucky and greatful to be with him. It's partially my fault for not hinting it. I didn't think that my girly side would emerge out of nowhere either. It's not that I'm saying that I don't feel special. Far from it. There's no other way for me to feel when I'm with him. When we go out to dinner, he pays for everything. He pulls out chairs for me. He opens doors. He is a very very generous sir. And yet when we're in the bedroom, it has been a while since he and I have had slow and quiet sex. Whenever we're together we bite, tease, spank, lick, suck, etc. each other but I don't think that I can ever remember coming into the bedroom with candles and rose petals, like you'd see in a cheesy romance flick.

This concept came up when we started discussing the psychological side of BDSM. I trust my sir completely and feel like I can tell him anything. My fears, my worries, my likes, dislikes, strange tendencies, etc. and vice versa. If you can't be whole heartedly honest, what's the point?

No matter what turns you on, in my humble opinion, I feel like the whole point is not to simply do as your Dom tells you to in order for you (the sub) to get your reward. Trust and Understanding your partner's (Both Sub and Dom.) needs and desires is really what matters. Call me crazy. I guess I just love my sir that much. With or without my collar on.